How to Trust God When His Promises Haven't Come True (Yet)
On August 10, I started my Instagram (IG) account for two main reasons. 1) I wanted to be showered with reminders of God’s goodness at all times ... from studying my bible and journalling, to listening only to worship music, to making sure my social media consumption was glorifying to God. I was in a stage where I just really, really needed to feel God’s love (though when do we not!). And 2) I was overflowing with joy having experienced so much of God’s goodness (after hitting rock bottom) and felt my relationship with him was growing stronger by the day, so I hope to share about this love with anyone who might want to listen. He was speaking to me, moving in my heart and I was so excited to worship him the best way I knew how (with writing and eventually drawing). It’s been an amazingly fun nearly two months and I’m so thankful to have met so many God-loving women on IG.
Before I started writing, God reminded me to be authentic. I definitely wanted to do that but didn’t really have any ideas about how it would go. There were no set plans for a content schedule, colour palate, tone of writing etc. ... just a confidence that the Holy Spirit would lead me day by day. And he has though things aren’t always warm and fuzzy.
A lot of friends (old and new ☺️) have commented that my feed brings up a lot of joy and I love that. I never really know how a drawing is going to turn out ... I just pray and experiment. But I think it’s a reflection of my heart. Each colour and word has been chosen by me in a particular moment and captures my walk at a particular moment in time. Even if it’s just for me ... I love this visual documentation of my walk with Jesus.
But yeah, sometimes things are harder.
This past week, a date passed and I became very disappointed. I thought God had clearly told me a specific date for a specific reason ... he’s done this in the past and it’s been spot on. And in the months and weeks leading up to the date, I prayed and prayed and asked God to guide my heart because I didn’t want to be chasing anything that wasn’t from him. And mostly I got “wait and see” types of responses. And when the date passed and my assumed reason didn’t come about ... I cried and cried out why. I tried to be as respectful as possible but I was frustrated and God knew it. For me it was also a new thing to wonder about the fine line between being honest with God and being immature. As a Type 4 (for those that follow the Enneagram), I’m used to expressing my emotions honestly. I feel the “need” to do this as authentically as possible. But I’ve also been learning the importance of a gentle and quiet tongue, of self-control. So I suppose I’m answering my own question here in that even if we’re so disappointed, God still wants us to have peace and trust him. I don’t think he gets angry with us for becoming angry but that it’s his best for us that we surrender again and take refuge in his embrace.
Lord, I don’t know what you’re doing but I know I can be sure that you’re working for my good. Please help me to trust you more and more, to seek your will and love more than any specific worldly circumstance. I repent of my mean thoughts and words, and ask for your forgiveness. I long to grow in maturity and look forward to the day where disappointments roll right off my back because I know that there’s nothing that will stand in the way of your ultimate plan for my life. Love always, J.